Marriage Preparation and Support

Congratulations on your engagement! We're so glad that you've decided to marry. As you prepare for marriage, you'll probably have a lot of decisions to make and a lot of work to do. The Church wants to help! We ask that you begin by considering where and how you will marry. If one or both of you are Catholic, your marriage should be celebrated according to the rites of the Church. There are ways to do this even if you also intend to marry according to a different religious tradition. Please ask your priest to help you understand what's required and explore your options.

Meeting with the clergy is the very first step to take when preparing for marriage. You will be welcomed warmly, listened to, and presented with a process of preparing for marriage. Usually, you may then reserve a date and time in the church at no cost or obligation. Please do all of this first if you also want to book a reception venue. This is because reception venues usually require a deposit, whereas Catholic churches usually don't. If you reserve a reception venue for a particular date and time, but then find out that the church and clergy aren't available, you risk losing your deposit.

Sometimes, the bride or groom will ask someone else to contact the church on their behalf. We are happy to answer questions and offer guidance for anyone! However, the clergy will still need to meet personally with the couple who intend to marry.

This section is for those who are Catholic and have already married outside the Church without having been assisted by Catholic clergy. Baptized Catholics who marry in a place other than a Catholic church (or use a ritual that isn't Catholic) are required to have the permission of their bishop and be assisted by an authorized Catholic minister. Otherwise, even if the marriage is civilly valid, it isn't valid according to Catholic teaching about the Sacrament of Matrimony. Catholics in such a situation are asked to refrain from receiving the Sacraments until they have married in a way approved by the Church. The process is very easy and costs nothing, as long as both the bride and the groom have not previously married anyone else and are otherwise able to validly marry in the Church.

We recognize that there are legitimate circumstances which might lead a couple to marry outside the Church before having their marriage subsequently "blessed" by a priest or deacon. (The actual term for this is convalidation.) Many couples simply don't know that they are expected to marry in the Church. In any case, the process of convalidation is always the same. Simply make an appointment with your priest: you'll be warmly received and assisted!

The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a vocation - a calling that God Himself gives, blesses, and supports. We also see marriage as both enriching and being enriched by every community we belong to - families, towns and countries, workplaces, schools, and of course churches. It is right and just that marriage be celebrated and supported in many ways, so that it may be of great benefit to all and be safeguarded amid the many challenges of secular life.

A popular custom is the blessing of married couples, which can optionally include a renewal of marriage vows. Such a celebration may take place on any special occasion, though it's most traditional to have it mark the 10th, 25th, 50th, or 60th anniversary of marriage. It may be private or public (e.g., during Sunday Mass at your local parish). We at Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish are very happy to discuss and arrange such celebrations!

The Cathedral of the Holy Cross in Boston hosts an annual Wedding Anniversary Mass that anyone may participate in. Information about this Mass and about celebrating wedding anniversaries in general may be found at the Evangelize Boston website.

We'd also like to help you if your marriage is in difficulty. ​You can find some helpful guides, counseling referrals, and information about marriage renewal programs like Retrovaille at the Evangelize Boston website (the Archdiocese of Boston's Family Life office). You may also make an appointment with ​your local priest to ​discuss your situation and your needs.

Many people who marry will later experience the pain of divorce. By itself, divorce isn't a sin, though it could come about as a result of sin. It's a civil act that isn't always chosen freely and might even be deemed necessary or beneficial in certain cases. The Church recognizes that legal separation and divorce can be very painful and can impart feelings of shame or guilt. We want to offer support and encouragement to anyone trying to bear such a cross in good faith.

A collection of resources for divorced and separated Catholics (and for their family members) may be found at the Evangelize Boston website (the Archdiocese of Boston's Family Life office).

Are you divorced and would like to know if you can marry again in the Catholic Church? While the Church teaches that a valid marriage is dissolved only by the death of a spouse, it sometimes happens that what was presumed to be a valid marriage can be declared invalid (null) by Church authorities after careful study. This can make it possible for someone who is divorced to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony anew. A declaration of nullity (also called annulment) is given following a process which examines the bond of marriage in hindsight to determine if something important was lacking from the beginning, something that affected the free and full consent of the bride and groom. The Archdiocese of Boston has published two articles which explain all of this in depth:

1.  Declaration of Nullity FAQs
2.  How Can a Marriage Be Declared Null?

Please feel free to discuss your situation with a member of the clergy. We are happy to help you explore all options available to you and what might be required along the way.

Are you a Catholic who has legally remarried outside the Church? Or are you in another kind of physical relationship not recognized by the Church? (Married or unmarried.) Although this usually means that you should refrain from receiving Holy Communion, please continue to attend Mass, participate in the life of our parish community, and know that you are most welcome. We want to offer you support, particularly in following Christ and practicing your faith fruitfully. If we can help in some way that we're not already offering, please just ask.